The Struggle of Being Different

Over the course of the past couple weeks, I have struggled. Struggled quite a bit on various levels. Areas where I should find joy, I find myself searching for it. In places where I should experience fulfillment, I find myself in a funk. Maybe it was because of things happening around me or the fact that I’m nearing the end of a 14 month vacation of my monthly visitor. I’m not sure.

After attending a VERY meaningful Bible study, unloading on one of my mother figures via Facebook chat while she was no doubtingly at work, and coffee and conversations with a couple dear friends from Ohio, I stumbled across this article and felt as though it nicely summed it up. We are a different family.  Most of all, we parent differently and many times at the cost of glaring glances, multiple phone calls second guessing our judgement as a parent, and most of all at the cost of time and ability to do what I as an individual would like to do.

I have discovered I can sulk in jealousy at other families who can:

1. Drop their kids off at a sitter and have the entire night out, returning home after “bed time” and not have the world collapse from under their feet.
2. Have a couple hours away from the kiddos together without knowing that the next couple days are going to be lived on rocks (and boulders occasionally the size of Texas).
3. Decide at last minute to take a trip to see family members, just because schedules allow them to do so
4. Not have dinner promptly at 5pm because the day was long and hard and mama needed just a minute of rest time
5. Decide at last minute to change up chores to give another child experience in what they do not know how to do
6. Repeat the SAME ROUTINE to a child who has done it for two + years without them insisting they have NEVER done it before because it was a new broom
7. Plan every minute and second of a road trip to ensure that carefully placed routine doesn’t waiver -> or for that matter, every second of holiday breaks
8. Extreme parenting measures such as that listed in the article above in attempt to teach a lesson that has been gone over and over and over.
9. Attend a visiting church without having to interpret/engage their children in order to have them feel as though they understand
10. Avoid tiggers like a plague despite the cost of choice in movies, people we socialize with, or meaningful intentions
11. And lastly, families who don’t have teachers looking at them crossways because their child went to school and proudly announced in health class that his mom doesn’t have a period, uses breast milk to cure pink eye, and that her boobs most certainly DO NOT hurt every year (insert correction of month) because she hugs him all the time and doesn’t complain.

The list goes on and so would the self pity party, if I hadn’t been reminded through those various conversations that it’s not about me. A statement that stuck out to me in my Bible study group was that

‘Daniel was not taken out of his circumstances…rather he was carried through it’

He was carried. Not one time does it mention that Daniel said, “God! I don’t want to do that!” “God, I have a better idea.” “God, I really dislike the people who put me here in the first place! This is too hard!!” “But God, can this please be easier than being thrown into the lion’s den?!?” Instead, he asked for wisdom, and dealt with the people around him with respect, negating what he as an individual had most likely dreamed for his life. And because he sacrificed what he wanted and allowed God to use him, many were saved. Mouths of hungry lions were shut,  lives of many magicians were spared, and a whole kingdom changed.

So where does that leave me. I might not have literal lions to fight but I do have a child that can fight like a lion. I might not have a “kingly” diet to follow, but I do have a sugar free diet by which I need to cook by. I might not have dreams to interpret but I do regulate another beings internal feelings/emotions day in and day out. And in doing so, I have a choice (my children hate when the first two fingers come up with choice as the theme). A choice to ask for God’s wisdom and let him carry me through or a choice to sulk in what appears to be “greener on the other side”. I made my choice. I’ve made my stand and I’ve fallen but let me tell you something. God’s wisdom is so much greater than mine and I can say with certainty that the past two weeks have been much more promising (despite the teenage temper tantrum and change in routine) in how I mentally/emotionally/physically deal with each situation at hand. I can only pray that nations will turn to Him through my children and this era of our lives.

Oh and for those who do ask what you can do…Pray. Pray. Pray. Though you may not be able to relate to our seemingly crazy life we have a Father who does and One who intercedes on our behalf. Pray for our kids. Pray that their constant struggle of being ten years apart in actual age verses emotional age would start to dwindle. Pray that they can accept their position in life and place where they’re at developmentally and appreciate learning like a child. And pray for us as parents. Pray that we may have the wisdom of God to know how to direct, lead, sympathize, care for, and nurture them in the way that not only prepares them for the future but guides them into a relationship with Christ.  And if you dare to offer and take the kids, know that if we accept we do so knowing that the few days following will be difficult. Maybe consider sending home a few cookies, coffee, or chocolate to inhale through those days :).

Saying “sorry” to daddy for one of our behavior projects for Journey